FEELING ROUGH & FEELING RAW

by joey on june, 19th 2025

This week was so rough, I cried myself to sleep every single night.

Chat, it's getting bad again.

I finished my first week of "work", if I can even call it that. I feel so grossly unprepared, I had zero training this week and got sent to the other side of the state for some event, I don't have business cards and I wasn't given any kind of direction. I feel so useless and stupid, like I should already be doing stuff, but, how can I?! No one has taught me anything! I'm not even sure if I'm supposed to be using a punch clock or something to track my hours! Un-freakin-real!
my family keeps telling me to suck it up, that it's the government of course no one knows whats going on, whatever, they're not listening to me and keep pressuring me not to quit. This is going to sound so cringe but I feel like narrator from Fight Club rn. I'm working a stupid office job thats supposed to be important, it's stressing me the hell out, I can't sleep and I have to travel to stupid ass places and have to swallow my morals and just try to do my job, only to come home and immediately just fucking lose it. every. single. night.
It's genuinely so frustrating it makes me want to rip my hair out, I feel like I have all these expectations placed on me, but no one has shown me how to do anything! I had to finally break-down and ask where the light switch was in my office!!! After this stupid work trip I just went on, I have got to reach out to someone in another office location and ask if this is normal, because why the hell am I being told to find someone to train me instead of having a trainer provided? Like, not even training videos or anything dude??
idk, sorry this blog entry is such a fucking bummer dude
i just feel like i'm losing it in the worst way
my mind has been going to some really dark places...
i really hope something changes next week... my family needs me to have this job...